OT: Put Down Engineers" Week

Subject: Put Down Engineers" Week

Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer? A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker. Q: What do engineers use for birth control? A: Their personalities. Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer? A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own. Q: Why did the engineers cross the road? A: Because they looked in the file, and that's what they did last year. Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane? A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way. And you might be an engineer if: Choosing between buying flowers for your wife and upgrading your RAM is a problem. (This is a no-brainer - RAM all the way.) You still own a slide rule and know how to use it. You take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room. In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure. (We had Spring Break in college ? I didn't know that - I must have missed it.) The salespeople at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions. (Yeah - some knowledgeable salespeople they are.) At an air show, you know how fast the skydivers are falling. For your wife's birthday you gave her a new CD-ROM drive or a Palm Pilot. (Look at it this way - she's very lucky I even remembered her birthday with all the important things going on in my mind.) You can quote scenes from any Monte Python movie. You can type 70 words per minute but you can't read your own handwriting. (It's a code, fool !!) You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel. (You forgot the humorous followup question: "What'd you do - stick your finger in the wall outlet ?" Hahahahaha !!!!!) You sit backwards on Disney rides so you can see how they do the special effects. You have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances. You have more friends on the Internet than in real life. (What's a "friend"?) You know what http:// stands for. (Damn right, and what's more, I'm not going to tell you.) You look forward to Christmas so you can put together the kids toys. (Damn right again - that's why I had kids - so I'd have toys to assemble on Christmas Eve - why else and so what ?) You see a good design, and have to change it. (Hey, I can always make a good thing better.) You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring. You think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived. (I'm really not sure why they are yawning, but I know it's not due to my vibrant personality.) You window shop at Radio Shack. (I hate the drool left on the windows by the previous engineer window shoppers.) Your laptop computer cost more than your car. Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work. (My wife hasn't the foggiest idea about a lot of things.) You've already calculated how much you make per second. You've tried to repair a $5 radio. (It seemed like a good idea when I started.)