Customs Tricks (was: Re: Whoohoo! Fortune Telling...

Rumor has it that John B may have mentioned these words: O.K. I'm on the US side in Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan. One thing I can tell you that here we only have 2 donut shops, and they're pretty decent - in a city of 14,000 it doesn't pay to kill off the locals... ;-) (Sault, Ontario has over 80,000 people, I believe, so they have more donut shops to choose from.) If ever we all meet in Niagara Falls, New York, avoid the donut shops! :-) Ain't that the truth! :-) Wow... must be that small-town stuff again. Most all agents even on the Canadian side here are over 30, so either they're *really* old students or they don't have access to many students up here. On the US side here, someone has to die if you want a job at Customs, so I'm somewhat chummy with most of the officers here. [[And that's the "important" side for me... Canada's usually quite easy: "Citizenship?" US. (sometimes with a thumb pointed south... ;-) "Why're ya coming to Canada?" Shop. "How long you gonna be here?" Couplhours. "Bringing anything?" Nah. "Go ahead."]] Oh, and don't think the fact your car/truck is nice and shiny and clean and tuned will that keep you from getting stopped. Luck has everything to do with it, and if the officer you pull up to got lucky the night before, it's a breeze. If not... :-( I went to Canada once, wearing greasy sweats, hadn't shaved for a week and wore a baseball cap that said "Candy is dandy but sex won't rot your teeth" ;-), truck barely ran, needed brakes & squealed badly whenever you appled them, muddy as hell, was an *absolute* mess (including 2 US military uniforms crumpled on the passanger side), the bed of the truck was full of trash, most of which was vegetative (which is a *big* no-no when crossing the border) and the guard asked my citizenship, looked at me funny and waved me thru. The next week: fixed, tuned & washed the truck, cleaned, vacuumed and dusted the interior, cleaned out the bed fully, was dressed in a white shirt and tie, fresh haircut... and Bam! The only time I've been pulled over at Canadian Customs. The truck got tagged, they pulled me into the shack, and I got grilled for 20 minutes about everything from what I had for breakfast to the color of my underwear. And... interrogations from border guards are akin to the CIA... They don't *ask* questions. "Yes, Mr. .... Merfriglburger" "That's Mer\sssh\berger" "Yea, whatever. You work at Can-Am?" "Yes." "And you make $3.75 per hour?" "Yes." (getting a bit upset at that...) "You crossed into Canada 6 1/2 days ago?" "Yes." (thinking... Damn, I'd love to see their network system!) (This was 13-14 years ago, after all...) "And you *say* you're coming here for the same reason this week?" "Yes, the Radio Shack still has a sale on, and I got paid today." "Yea, whatever. How much money do you have on your person?" (I *damn* near said "You know everything else about me... you don't know that, too?" Gratefully, I held my forked tongue ;-) "Hummmm... $65-odd cash Canadian, and I guess around $45-$50 US." (and yes, you can be refused entry into *either* country based on vagrancy - If you don't have enough cash to sustain you during your stay in said foriegn land, you'll be sent packing.) "Thank you. Please replace all of your personal items and be on your way." I stepped outside and everything but the steering wheel & seat were removed places of "personal" storage. [[Editor's note - I'm not just picking on Canadian Customs - Years ago (when I was an infant, so that's ~30 years ago) my parents were coming back into the US when US customs stopped them, tore the car apart *including the seats*. When they were all done, they said "You can go. You have 15 minutes to be out of the building." *thankfully* my dad is one hell of a mechanic and had a full toolset with him and could reinstall the seats in a few minutes - despite the fact the tools were spread in a 10 foot radius around the car. No joke.]] Customs can be your friend, or they can be the most sadistic bastards you've ever known. Be nice to them even if they're assholes - or you'll regret it if you do any border crossing at all. You can *afford* a Picasso? You must have one hell of a computer collection!!! ;-) Take care, Roger "Merch" Merchberger -- Roger "Merch" Merchberger --- sysadmin, Iceberg Computers Recycling is good, right??? Ok, so I'll recycle an old .sig. If at first you don't succeed, nuclear warhead disarmament should *not* be your first career choice.