Since you seem be taking this seriously...
ONE IS PRIME.
...actually, it generally isn't. That is, most mathematicians use
definitions of `prime' which are arranged such that 1 does not satisfy
them.
While it is logically consistent to consider 1 a prime, you then end up
with a lot of "any prime except 1" and similar phrases scattered all
over the place (notably, in the fundamental theorem of arithemtic),
whereas not considering 1 to be a prime results in a lot fewer of the
analogous "any prime or 1". That is, defining `prime' to exclude 1
turns out to result in a more useful definition.
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